How to deal with an impotent boyfriend in a long-term relationship

How Erectile Dysfunction Happens

Contrary to popular belief, erectile dysfunction (ED) doesn’t only occur in older men. In fact, a lot of younger guys struggle with it regularly. So, how does it work? It’s a bit more complex than simply not being able to have an erection.


Muscles, nerves, and mental wellbeing play a crucial role in penile erection. So, a lot of factors can contribute to ED. Some of them include:


  • Anxiety around performance or other
  • Some medical conditions
  • Medication
  • Injuries or trauma


Men can have anxiety, too. The kind of anxiety that affects penile erection the most is performance anxiety. This happens when men fear that they’ll underperform in bed. Anxiety in other life situations can also affect erections.


Medical conditions and medication can have indifference toward sex as a side effect. On the other hand, injuries or trauma need no explanations because trauma to nerves or muscles can affect the penis and result in ED.


Men have a hard time dealing with erectile dysfunction. It can take a serious toll on their mental health, overall quality of life, and relationships. So, if your partner has ED, we’ll tell you about the things you can do to help.

Is Erectile Dysfunction Treatable?

Thankfully, there is a solution to erectile dysfunction. In most cases, ED is completely reversible, but the treatment will depend on the underlying condition. If you notice that your partner struggles with having or keeping erections, suggest that he should see a doctor. While ED can be a result of some conditions, it can also point back to them. So, this is a great time to find out what’s really going on.


If your partner has nothing physically wrong with him, maybe he’s bothered by anxiety. In this case, ED is also easily treatable, so there’s nothing for you to worry about. Depending on what’s the underlying condition, treatments may include:


  • Medication
  • Surgery
  • ED vacuum pumps
  • Therapy


No matter what the treatment is, the best thing you can do is support him through it. This will not only improve your sex life but the overall quality of your relationship, too.


The best long-term relationship advice is to seek counseling whenever your relationship comes to a halt. In this situation, counseling will be helpful even if your partner doesn’t need it as a part of his ED treatment. Counseling includes talking to a therapist about your issues and reaching a solution with their guidance. This will definitely help him deal with the situation he’s in whether he decides to take solo sessions or let you go with him.


Don’t force your partner to go to counseling if he’s reluctant. The best thing you can do is explain how everything works and what the benefits are. He’ll probably change his mind once he learns about the benefits for him and your relationship. Even though he may not have performance anxiety, ED can take a toll on anyone’s mental health. That’s why counseling should always be a must.

Consistent Non-Sexual Intimacy

Handling erectile dysfunction in relationships can be a difficult task. This is especially because many couples consider sex to be a vital part of their relationships. While sex is important, it’s impossible to have it with someone with ED. Well, that’s unless they’re getting treatment for it.


While sexual intimacy will be scarce, you can put some effort into showering your partner with non-sexual intimacy. These acts may include:


  • Cuddling
  • Holding hands
  • Making out
  • Showering together


Some of these acts can lead to sex, but they don’t have to. It’s important to keep a high level of intimacy. But why? Your partner may feel unwanted because you two aren’t having sex because of him. He may also feel guilty for it. So, you need to show him that you love him regardless of sex. Non-sexual intimacy will make him feel wanted and comforted, and he’ll be in the right mindset to battle his ED.

Improve Lifestyle and Daily Routines

Some of the many causes of ED are diabetes, obesity, and overall unhealthy lifestyles. We’re not only talking about eating junk food and not exercising regularly. Some of the unhealthy habits can include smoking, drinking, doing drugs, etc. Smoking and drinking may seem harmless when done in moderation, but you never know what kind of effects they can have on you. One of the effects is definitely ED.

To battle ED that comes as a result of unhealthy habits, all you need to do is change your lifestyle. That’s easier said than done, but he’ll be able to do it with your support. Some of the changes you can implement include:


  • Eating healthy
  • Exercising regularly
  • Reducing nicotine and alcohol intake
  • Having daily routines


You don’t have to immediately jump into a healthy lifestyle because that may be too big of a change. Instead, ease yourselves into it.

Help Build Your Partner’s Mental Growth

Taking the step to go to counseling is important and commendable. However, he can only do so much on his own. That’s why you need to be able and ready to support him. Ensure you create a safe environment for him to go back to after counseling. Also, this environment needs to encourage him to grow and feel safe when expressing his thoughts and feelings.


It’s no problem if you aren’t sure how to do that. You, too, can see a counselor that will help you out. They will give you all the necessary tools to support your partner but not lose sight of yourself in the process. You may even be able to deal with some of your own issues, and you two will be able to support each other during your healing processes.

Seek Advice for Medications

Thankfully, erectile dysfunction is also treatable with medications. But you shouldn’t try to figure out which ones to take on your own. There are many over-the-counter (OTC) meds that pharmacists can suggest you try, but that’s not the safe way to go about it.


The best thing you can do is seek professional help. Only your doctor can give you the correct information and prescriptions. You should opt for this route because not only are there plenty of OTC medications, but a lot of them are supplements, too. Supplements and natural medication can only help so much. We’d rather you not waste your money and time trying a lot of different things. Instead, you should aim for what you know will help you — talking to a doctor.


So, don’t lose hope if you’re in a long-term relationship with someone with ED. There are treatments and ways to improve your overall life quality. All you need to do is find what works for you.